Tales of depression and victory: episode 4 – fearless worrier

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When the climax of panic is gone – and, believe me, it will happen sooner or later, no matter how desperate you feel now – you will be overcome with a liberating wave of fearlessness. Not that you won’t worry at all. No. You will still worry a lot – for trifles or major issues – but you will experience the feeling of invincibility, the inner strength that you never experienced before.

It will be hard paved road. The way to the state of a fearless worrier will be thorny. There will be moments of total despair, and there will be moments when the colors of life will brighten up. But in most cases, you will feel scaringly fearless. Unbelievably high-spirited. And outrageously brave. When faced with a bullying boss, or confronted by a toxic colleague, or just burnt out under the loads of work. Or, just in the face of loneliness or recent breakup.

Believe me, you will feel totally fine with yourself, with your worries, pains – physical and mental, – with your greatest fears. Because you once (or many times) experienced how it feels like to perceive the closeness of death, or, to be more precise – its twin brother – the panic attack.

The one who felt the hot breath of death close to his/her face cannot be afraid of losing a job. Or fear of being ignored, or even being dumped. You still worry a lot, but the daily growing brave warrior in you throws back the anxiety attacks, and fears, and disappointments. It’s such a meditative, philosophical state of mind. Suddenly all your career ambitions vanish – ayou find the meaning not in achievements, but in fulfillment and joy of simple moments.

Sometimes I even wonder – how a formerly ambitious career-oriented girl could turn into a process-driven protagonist of life full of simple joys. This is how a panic attack can change you overnight. Without a prior notice. Like it or not – you’re not the same any more…

Keep this spirit high. You’re invincible, my warrior brother. Don’t fret: soon your inner fearless child will beat the nasty oldie you’ve become and grow into a fearless rebellious youngster, living in the present, living FOR the present…

P.S. This post is inspired by and dedicated to my favorite yoga instructor Lena, a fearless woman and a loving mother.

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