From time to time, I read a random passage from my to find clues to my present emotional state and reconsider some areas in my life to get out of shitty moods. Today I again went down my memory lane to analyze and make some conclusions for a few life-changing choices. Scrolling down and down, I ran into the following episode, written 2 years ago. It struck me with its despair and urgency and listlessness yet it totally conveyed the whole inner drama I was going through at that time.
“I looked out of the office window today to see this totally yellow tree standing in front of me with the whole splendor and majesty that the autumn brings to the nature. Someone’s laundry hung beside the tree making the whole picture even more sentimental. I wish I had a photo beside the tree or of the tree but unfortunately I didn’t take my photo camera today (I didn’t have a smartphone back then- edit.). I could stand by the window and meditate long on the tree but I had to go back to my cubicle. That symbolizes the whole office life- attached to the computer, half-asleep at the end of the day. The real life seems to pass by my office window sometimes. Especially when it’s sunny and warm – like today. When you go out and breathe deeply, the life starts sprinkling your soul with joy and happiness, even more motivation to life than any of those great books that I read during the day.
Anyways, I am grateful for what I have and feel. Mostly – for what I feel. Because life is all about feeling and not having”.
An ending of an incorrigible optimist:) At least, it reminded me of being one. And it helps to repeat it from time to time, as a mantra, to help us out of difficult times.